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What is that? Is that awe? Whatever it is, it wakes me up. It shakes me out of autopilot and reminds me not to sleep through my life. It gives my emotional self centre stage and my logical self can’t do a damn thing about it. It triggers that inexplicable sense of awareness that makes my eyes open wider, makes my mind quieter and my body still and present. It washes me over with such gratitude that it feels like being alive right there in that moment is a gift beyond imagination and everything else is just a bonus.

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Some things are so easy to feel awe-filled over; a mountain range, a masterpiece, a milestone. But what about the way the light spills into the room at sunrise or the way it feels when you dive beneath a breaking wave? I don’t want to wait for the big things to feel a deep sense of wonder and gratitude, I want to be so blissfully happy over such ordinary things that a perfectly ripe tomato makes me squeal with joy. I want to live my whole life in a state of awe so I can be sure I’m never asleep. So that if I’m lucky enough to be old and thoroughly worn-out, I can look back and know I was awake for all of it, not just for the big stuff, for the loudest and shiniest of events, but for the quietest and most unremarkable; the smell of freshly picked basil, wagging dog tails, smiles from strangers and candlelit conversations.

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I want to be so awake that the light shines out of the whites of my eyes and life’s dark holes can’t pull me down into their depths. I want to feel light when there’s heaviness and peace when there’s chaos, contentment when there’s turbulence and excitement when there’s apathy. Because no matter how much darkness there’s been and will inevitably be again, there’s simply too much light not to be in awe of every single day and OH MY GOD I don’t wanna miss a minute.